That's it for the quick intro. The diet starts as soon as the supplies arrive. Who thought in this country we'd ever have to wait for a food drop?
Oh yeah -- Happy Fucking Valentine's Day.
Wednesday, February 14
Humble Beginnings
Hi, my name is Jenn and I'm a big, fat fuck. In the coming months, I'll be fighting the good fight, hoping to beat my weight problem down like an unruly child. I've created this blog so you can all keep tabs on my progress. The way I see it, you were all with me when I put the weight on, so you're all coming along for the ride now that it's time to shed 75 lbs. of pure, unadulterated shame.
That's it for the quick intro. The diet starts as soon as the supplies arrive. Who thought in this country we'd ever have to wait for a food drop?
Oh yeah -- Happy Fucking Valentine's Day.
That's it for the quick intro. The diet starts as soon as the supplies arrive. Who thought in this country we'd ever have to wait for a food drop?
Oh yeah -- Happy Fucking Valentine's Day.
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12 comments:
Good fucking luck.
Moo.
And I say that in the most supportive, empathic way possible as I just got through trudging on foot 1/2 hour through a snowstorm to get to the gas station so I could buy a)Biggie sized Almond Joys b) M&Ms and c) glo-worms all being washed down with a diet pepsi. So happy fucking valentines to you too. In all seriousness, I'm here for you. xxxx's Jean
I'm thinking, if your meals are actual drinks, you could add a little Vodka to make the whole experience more bearable.
Just a thought.
MMMMPSHPMPMPPHPSHMMHSMMMMM!
(Translation: My mouth is too full of candy to say good luck. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
I'm with the vodka gal--what a great idea! So what are these mysterious "supplies"? I'm doing Medifast, and seriously considering jazzing up the shakes with a shot of somethin'! I'm psyched for you! And yes, you are no doubt getting lots of exercise trudging through the schnee, as we are here in DC! XXXOOOOOOOO, Megan
Multiple choice. Select the most correct answer to the question.
The supplies arriving in the mail include:
A. Kate Moss workout/lite cooking dvd
B. A human-adaptable Dog Whisperer muzzle promoted by Caeser Millan
C. An autographed copy of '101 ways to keep the weight off" by Karen Carpenter
D. 1lb of German chocolate chased by 2 lbs of Exlax
If we can't laugh at ourselves, who we gonna laugh at?
Rock on and you go girl!! I've found that vodka is the best because the folks at work can't smell it on your breath like tequila - and we all know what happens to you on gin......La P, I am a bit worried about your shame - you need to own it like the rock star you are. Just don't own it in the Anna Nicole Smith kind of way because we've all seen how that turned out. I say work your assets like Elvira and J. Lo do. Another tip: I have found that if I run on busy streets, sheer vanity makes me run faster for fear that the annonymous strangers driving by me intheir cars are saying, "look at that sad fuck, I am not as bad off as he is." So, La P, own your shame, work like you never have, and run on busy streets!
Okay - so I am going to totally out myself as the new-agey Boulder native that I am. I really disliked that movie "What the Bleep" but I am totally into the concept of WE CREATE OUR OWN REALITY. So baby cakes - cool it with the self deprication and start picturing the friggin amazing self that you want to be (and I think already are)! You rock Miss Prantella and I am here for the ride to support your beautiful ass!!!
xoxoxo
David
When are you going to show me some love? I am your liver and I am in DEEP SHIT.
Jenn,
You're disgracing the family. You need to try to keep the weight on... eat up!
wookiesoloTwinkieyummyummm....
Go Vader!
What about surgery? Start with lipo, then an immediate tummy tuck. After that, get your bones broken and shortened for that "petite look." After starvation and laxatives for a few months, get the excess skin removed. Delete a rib or two and by Christmas you'll be a regular Mary-Kate Olsen! PS: Throw in a breast augmentation...for me.
Come to think of it...go ahead and get both breasts done.
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